Monday, 24 February 2014

This generation is getting better at marriage ... well timed for me!

I read this lovely piece this morning about marriage  - This Generation Has Learned from it's Parent's Mistakes" and agree with a lot of it.

Added to this, it's a personal frustration that I've been told forcibly before (or "oppressed" ;)) that marriage is definitely out-dated and been faced with questions such as "Why would you want to chain yourselves to another person?" and "How can two people be expected to get long forever?", "It's not natural" which I would think is fine for anyone's particular personal philosophy but doesn't need to be extended to everyone. People are different, and what works, or doesn't work for you, may have the opposite effect with another person.

I'm hesitant to say it's become fashionable to denigrate marriage, but there always appears to be a hardcore of people saying "My parent's marriage was awful so there is NO WAY I'm getting married". I've wondered for ages about the internal motivations and possible commitment-phobia of some of those (one thing a commitment-phobe may do is find numerous rational reasons why they particularly shouldn't get married), tho of course it's rude and hypocritical of me to say this to them - people not wanting to get married should be left alone as much as those of us who want to - I just hope not too many of the two camps are paired up in partnerships together. 

So it annoys me when people denigrate marriage by generalising their opinion to cover everyone. Recently, as me and my lovely partner are getting married in May, I have been thinking about marriage a lot. I find, even if one's parents didn't have lasting happiness with their marriage, that the piece above is right, it can be that that actually makes you more determined to make it work, furthermore you are open to NEW ways of relating to each other, flexibility, trust, communication and understanding. 

So, for that I am grateful. 

Friday, 14 February 2014


Despite the date I'm not going to blog about Valentine's Day today or try and link it to my post!

Today I want to talk about vulnerability. Davina McCall has impressed many this week with her determination to push on through her Sport Relief challenge of a 500-mile (805km) journey under her own steam from Edinburgh to London  . This is indeed very impressive and it's a very important cause she is raising money for. (I was moved to sponsor her myself)

What's also impressed me is that she is willing to  be vulnerable, something people, especially people in Britain seem unwilling to do. Without being vulnerable occassionally, we can't really connect with others. I think sometimes vulnerability is equated with victimhood, which it shouldn't be.

The Drama Triangle teaches us there is a difference between victim and vulnerable and it's in the eyes of the perciever - even if that happens to be the victim/vulnerable person themselves. The difference is that the person, in fact everyone is in control of their actions.